Of Hopes and Miracles
by Wolf of the Feitas
Summary: HopexVanille, Post-Game  and therefore spoilers
1. Chapter 1: Requiescat In Pace

**Author's note: This was intended to be a one-shot, but I thought that it needed more time and room for development. I'll be working on this fic in December, but I won't be able to put anything up by January. Also, I think that the HopexVanille fans deserve more than just one-shots. So here you go. Rated teen at the moment. Constructive crit welcome. **

**Of Hopes and Miracles  
****by The Wolf of the Feitas**

**Chapter 1: Requiescat In Pace**

Hope's room was littered with empty cardboard boxes. The boxes were labelled according to their intended contents. There was a lot of stuff to go through; books, clothes, and some of his other belongings. Needless to say, he couldn't bring his entire room to the dorm in college, so he would have to leave some of the items in his room. Hope merely sighed as he realised the task at hand. He didn't know how long it would take care of the garbage dump of a room he thrived in.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...or so they say." Hope said to himself, gathering whatever scraps of motivation he had to start packing and organising his stuff.

The clothes weren't much of a problem as he thought they would be as he had kept much of his wardrobe in order. He neatly folded the articles of clothing and segregated them on his bed according to types in stacks, making it easier for him to put the clothes into the boxes later on. He picked up his unwashed clothes and unmentionables that were scattered on the floor and carried them to the laundry hamper near his room.

Hope returned to his room and looked at his desk and saw that it really needed tending to. Files and folders were filled haphazardly with papers, most of which were related to school work. On another side of the desk were several magazines and textbooks that were piled on top of one another. Hope figured that if he didn't stop thinking about the problem and started cleaning up, the pile of books would fall before he could get any progress. And so he separated the books from the magazines into two piles that sat on his bedroom floor.

As for the files and folders, Hope took his time to organise the papers chronologically, carefully removing the cat's ears from the corners of the pages, and them placed them back into the files. He had to discern which ones he needed to bring. And so, like the clothes and books, he created another pile on the floor for those files.

Two hours had passed and he now sat at his desk, Hope was massaging his head trying to relieve his thoughts about the packing he still had to do. He looked outside his bedroom window. It was a picturesque view of New Oerba, the new settlement that was established at the base of the crystal spire that supported the fallen Cocoon. At sunsets like this one, the light of the pulsian sun would shine through the spire and the light would refract just as it would on a diamond.

_Beautiful,_ he thought.

Indeed it was. After all it was a suitable testament to the two people who sacrificed themselves for Cocoon's salvation.

After a while he decided it was time to start packing the belongings into the boxes. To his surprise, it didn't take as long as he expected. He had everything done in about 20 minutes, although he still felt tired from moving his belongings around, not to mention stacking the boxes on the living room by himself.

Seated once more at his desk, Hope tried to organise whatever was left on it so that his father wouldn't have such a difficult time fixing up his room when he leaves. Bartholomew Estheim was a busy man indeed, usually spending more time in the governing council of New Oerba than at home. Fortunately, Hope could easily take care of himself.

Hope pulled out some old bookends and unused binders and blew away the dust that had settled on them. He put them aside and peered inside the small crevice that was left for anything that could be of use, or for disposal such as in the case of the bookends. Hope saw a silhouette of a book, a journal to be more precise. He took it out, wiped off the dust and opened it. Hope had a wistful look on his face.

The journal was stuffed with folded notes. He took one out and unfolded it. It read,

_Dear Vanille,_

_How are you? What's it like being encased in crystal? I bet you're just as happy there as we are out here. Rest in peace._

_-Hope_

He took another one out and read it,

_Dear Vanille,_

_I miss you. I want you to come back and show me more of Gran Pulse. I want to share more moments with you out there. I'm going to school pretty soon and eventually everything will be back to normal- even though it will never be._

_-Hope_

Hope continued to read the notes. Some shared his experiences in school or at home, others were love letters to her. He even found at a letter that explicitly described a very dirty dream about the two of them in the Sulyya Springs. _Hormones,_ he figured.

However there's this one letter that caught his attention.

_Dear Vanille, _it started,

_It's been two long years since you've been gone. I honestly hope you're coming back. It's not permanent, right? This crystal stasis thing? I mean, you did get out of it back when I was on Cocoon. _

_I told you once that it's not the lies that matter, but what we do to make them a reality. But what if your not coming back? How can I tell myself that "she's coming back" when I can never live to make that reality come true? I want you back, Vanille. Just please, come back._

_-Hope_

Hope remembered those days around the time he wrote the letter. He was trying to get a grip on reality. A reality he didn't feel ready to accept. But now, four years after Cocoon had fallen, things were indeed changing for the better...even without Vanille. Serah and Snow had just gotten married a year ago and are now expecting their first daughter. Dajh was and still is growing up under Sazh's care without PSICOM's eyes disturbing their peace. In fact, if Vanille hadn't gone, they wouldn't be living the lives they had now.

And he was entering College; a new chapter in his life, full of new experiences and things to learn.

As he held the letter in his hand, he turned to the window and looked at the crystal spire.

_I think it's time for me to pay her one last visit. Just to say goodbye._

Hope put the letters into a small sling bag and turned off all the lights in the house. He brought the sling bag with him as he exited the house. The crystal spire was about 15 minutes away by foot.

The crystal spire had been cordoned off for safety reasons. However a beuatiful monument with a miniature sculpture of the spire and the fallen coccon was erected about a hundred metres away so as to accomodate visitors although few really came. It was still difficult for people to accept that a handful of l'cie saved them. It was a blessing in disguise for Hope as noone would be staring at him thinking that he was some crazy nutcase.

He looked up at the spire and began to speak.

"Erm, Hi, Vanille." He said, still struggling to get over the awkwardness. "How're you doing? I'm going to college in a few days and I'll be really busy then..."

Hope shook his head, annoyed by the stuff he was babbling.

"What I mean to say is that, I'm saying goodbye. I know I've always wanted you back, but..." Hope hesitated, "But I really need to move on."

He opened his sling bag and took out his journal. "I know it seems kinda childish, Vanille, but I want to read you some of these letters that I wrote."

And so he began reading the letters out loud. He revived every fantasy about her, every experience that had been recorded. The bliss he felt sort of lifted a weight off his chest. He didn't know what, but he felt lighter.

After reading the letters he sat down on the ground, staring at the crystal spire. It was already nighttime and the lights of the monument and the spotlights that illuminated the spire were turned on. Hope continued to gaze at it.

"I wonder what I'm gonna do without you," He said with a longing expression on his face.

"Without who?" chirped a very familiar voice.

Hope's eyes widened.

_It can't be, it couldn't be..._


	2. Chapter 2: Remembrances

**Chapter 2: Remembrances**

Hope was rooted to where he sat. He could neither move nor think, and his grip on his journal slackened. Disbelief and shock were the only things on his mind. And even in those personal quarters of his being, he could not speak.

The voice giggled and all of a sudden Hope could feel the warmth of someone's breath.

"Without who?" repeated the voice softly into Hope's ear.

That whisper gave Hope a pleasant reassurance that this was all real. And so Hope spun his head around, but before he could manage to say anything he was greeted by the empty space that was behind him.

For another time Hope was motionless, trying to process what had just happened.

_She was there, wasn't she? And that whisper… I definitely felt it. She was there. She was alive. No. She is alive._

Hope finally scratched his head furiously in resignation, owing the phenomenon to his imagination or maybe the evening breeze. He took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm himself down. His stomach helped him come back to reality, by rudely rumbling in public. Hope couldn't help but not exclude the possibility that his stomach was helping his mind play tricks on him. Fortunately he had enough Gil in his wallet to buy dinner for himself. He stood up, dusted some dirt off his clothes, and started walking towards the town centre.

The buildings of New Oerba were built using the resources that were immediately available to the inhabitants. So most of the buildings were constructed using a mix of Pulsian woods and sturdy metal panels originally meant for military use. The streets of New Oerba were paved using cobblestone and other pieces of rubble from the fall of Cocoon. As Hope strolled through these streets, he couldn't help but think of Vanille again.

_It was because of her that all of these people are alive. It was because of her that we could all start all over again..._

Then Hope shook his head and held back a chuckle. He could imagine Fang berating him after that for giving Vanille all the credit, following up with a quick and friendly punch to the shoulder. Indeed, everything that has happened over the past two years would not have happened without the two of them.

Hope continued to walk until he reached a large hut with a large holographic sign that read, "The House of Good Ol' NORA" on the roof. This popular resaurant was built by and run by the members of NORA and volunteers who decided to help out. In the evenings, the windows and doors of the restaurant were opened in order to allow the cool evening breeze to come in, and the aromas from the kitchen to waft out onto the streets. Hope stood still for a while and inhaled deeply, allowing the scents to fill his nostrils and make his mouth water. At this point, his stomach couldn't stand the teasing the smells were giving it, and so it gave a long groaning growl that told Hope it was time to get moving.

Like most evenings, The House of Good Ol' NORA was busy and so full of life. The chatter of the customers had almost completely overwhelmed the music that was coming from the restaurant's sound system. From the entrance, he could see Maqui tending to some glassware over the long bar counter that stretched from one side of the dining area to another. Maqui caught sight of Hope and waved at him.

"Hey Yuj, Hope's at the door. Could you get him a seat?" Maqui shouted over to someone out of Hope's peripheral vision.

A quick, shouted "sure" was the reply and in moments Yuj appeared at the entrance. The young man had his hair tied back and was in the establishment's uniform which consisted of a collared plain blue flannel shirt with the name of the restaurant on the back of the shirt and a name tag in front, and a pair of khaki slacks to go with it.

"Hey Hope, table for one?" Yuj asked.

Hope nodded in reply. He was lead to a small table beside a window that had a good view of the streets outside.

"Do you need to take a look at the menu, or will it be the usual?" Yuj asked after Hope had seated himself.

"The usual." Hope quickly replied.

"Alright." Yuj said scribbling Hope's order on a ticket.

"You sure you don't want anything else?" Yuj asked.

"Nope, nothing really." Hope replied.

"Okay, your food will take about 25 minutes." Yuj said.

"Sure, thanks." Hope said.

Yuj then left Hope and headed for the kitchen to relay the order. Hope looked at the street just watching people walk here and there. And somehow this made him relax and achieve a sense of normalcy which he so much desired.

Hope's people-gazing was suddenly interrupted by a waitress carrying a tray of glasses filled with water who stopped at his table. Hope turned around and faced the young woman.

"Would you like some cold water?" she asked in a delicate voice.

"Erm, yeah. Sure." Hope replied.

Hope noticed that he hadn't seen her before and watched curiously as the waitress lowered a glass of water onto the table. He took note of some of her features: ash brown hair neatly kept in a bun, a diamond-shaped face with a nose that came to a fine point, flushed cheeks that were probably caused by exposure to the heat of the kitchen, and a figure that would grab the attention of any-

"Is there something wrong?" the woman asked with a concerned look.

Hope was immediately cut from his thoughts and had his tongue tied for a moment.

"Ah, I'm sorry. It's just that I couldn't recognize whether you were someone new or some of the other staff that I've known." Hope replied while turning his head away, trying to hide the blush that was forming on his face.

The woman's expression eased and she giggled slightly at Hope's response.

"That's alright," she replied, "my name's Ellina. I've been working here part-time for about a week now. "

"Well, thanks for the water, Ellina. I'm Hope."

"Hope? You mean…_Hope Estheim_?" Ellina said with her jaw slowly slackening.

Hope responded with a nod and a smile. Her cheeks became redder than they were already.

"Erm, well if you do need anything else, do ask." Ellina said rather timidly.

And with that, she said a quick "excuse me" and quickly left the table. Hope watched her beeline to the kitchen, nearly knocking into another waiter who was bringing some dishes on a tray. Hope stifled a laugh. The reactions some people gave him when they realized who he is amused him to no end.

After a while Yuj returned to Hope's table with his order in hand.

"Here you go," Yuj said, "now eat up and enjoy."

"Thanks, Yuj." Hope replied.

With that, Yuj left Hope with his dinner: Roasted Lamb Racks with Grilled Carrots and Parsnips and Wild Pulsian Greens. The sweet aroma coming from the grilled vegetables mixed with that of the savoury scent coming from the lamb racks and filled Hope's nostrils with a mouth-watering goodness that was beyond compare. Hope waited no longer and quickly ate his dinner.

Satisfied, Hope slumped back onto his seat and took a long sip from his glass of water and resumed his people-gazing. After some time, Hope took out the journal from his sling bag and started reading his letters again. He recalled the hallucination he had earlier was trying to reason out what happened. He stopped reading and just stared at the sheets of paper. At that point, he just buried his face into his hands and sighed deeply.

_I really thought she was there. I felt her breath on my ear. That was her voice, wasn't it? It just felt far too real._

"Are you okay, Hope?"

Hope turned and was surprised to see Ellina's worried stare.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Hope said with a sigh.

"Are you sure? Is it something you'd like to talk about or something?" Ellina asked with a bit of worry in her voice. Hope just stared at her in the face blankly. He found it surprising that someone he had just met would show such concern.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be meddling with other people's business." Ellina said. "Erm, maybe I could get the bill for you?"

Hope nodded in reply, and with that she went off. After settling the bill, Hope gathered his belongings and left his table. Before he left the restaurant, Hope saw Ellina running towards him with something in her hand.

"Hope, you dropped something-"

Ellina slipped on something and collided into Hope. Her momentum was enough to knock the both of them over onto the ground. Ellina tried to push herself off of the ground but instead of meeting the hard flooring, her hand pushed against Hope's chest. In addition she realized her face was merely inches from Hope's. Realizing that she had unintentionally placed Hope and herself in a very embarrassing position, she quickly scooted a few inches from their position and muttered a dozen or so apologies while standing up.

"I'm so sorry, Hope. It's just that this letter dropped from your bag while you were leaving" she explained. "I'm really sorry. Let me help you."

"It's alright, It's alright." Hope groaned and stood up. "I'm fine, but how about you? Are you alright?"

Ellina just nodded and extended her hand carrying the letter. Hope took it from her and placed it in his bag and rearranged some of the items inside to make sure they didn't fall out. Hope thanked her for bringing him the letter and was about to leave until he heard Ellina yelp. Hope turned around and saw her bracing her ankle with her hand. Fortunately Yuj was nearby and saw Ellina in pain. Hope explained what had happened and asked him to fetch a packet of ice from the kitchen. Hope then assisted Ellina to sit herself down at an empty table.

"You really shouldn't bother yourself with me, Hope." Ellina said, averting her eyes from him. "I'll be just fine."

Hope shook his head and said, "Not with this ankle."

Ellina smiled at Hope and said, "You're really as kind as they say you are."

Hope looked blushed a little and smiled. "'They'?" He asked.

"Some of the NORA guys working here." Ellina replied.

"I've always wanted to meet the 'heroes' people kept talking about." She continued. "I wanted to go beyond the rumors and the stories and really see and know them first hand. So I figured that working here would allow me to do that."

Silence fell between the two of them but Ellina's words lingered in Hope's ears. Being appreciated in such a manner filled Hope with a warm feeling of happiness. Even though he didn't really embrace being called a hero, he had to admit that he felt a slight jolt of pride whenever someone called him that.

Eventually Yuj returned with the ice, and with that, Hope let Yuj take care of Ellina and left, saying goodbye to both of them before leaving out the front door. Hope decided to take a long stroll home. As he walked, he allowed the cool evening air to fill his lungs. He breathed in, and then breathed out. He allowed the air to purify his mind and put it at ease.

Reflecting on the day's events, he realized that he had done enough reminiscing about Vanille. He decided that after the day was over, he would start focusing on things that mattered now and would put his memories of her to rest. He decided that he wouldn't allow his feelings for her affect his ability to adapt to his new life.

However, his resolve was broken down in seconds as something caught his attention. A girl with ginger hair tied into pigtails was merely meters from him. He watched with bated breath as she turned her head to the side. Hope's eyes dilated.

_It's her._

Hope felt a sudden adrenaline rush and gave chase. He tried to weave through the busy streets as quickly as he possibly could while trying to maintain visual contact with her. He sped up his gait, pushing through groups of people who came in his way. He ignored the curses that flew his way and continued to follow the girl, getting closer by the second.

_Not going to lose her, _Hope thought, _not this time._

The girl made a sudden turn into a stairway that lead to an alley. Hope tried to follow, but as he turned his sling bag snagged the handrail of the stairs and he tumbled down.

His body throbbed with pain when he landed and he felt the searing sensation of a large scrape on his right forearm. He sat up and took the bandana he always wore and made a makeshift bandage for his arm. He cringed in pain as he tried to stand and could only manage to limp on his right leg. It seemed like he had twisted his left ankle. He looked ahead, hoping that there was any sign of Vanille but he found none.

Hope was given no other choice but to give up the chase. The frustration that filled Hope was overwhelming. He banged the wall that he was using as a support with his fist. His entire body shuddered in anguish and he fell on his knees and cried out in anger. He hated this. He hated the fact that no matter how much he tried, he couldn't go on without her. He hated these cruel tricks that fate or whatever unseen force was playing on him.

"Hope," a familiar voice whispered behind him.

The voice only angered Hope and he only grunted in response.

"Go away!" He yelled while covering his ears. "You're not real! You're supposed to be asleep in that giant crystal! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Hope-"

"I just want to live a normal life again, Vanille." Hope whimpered. "I just want to _live. _Please, just- "

Hope was interrupted when he realized a pair of arms was wrapped around his waist. He felt her skin graze his own and let her hand caress his. He couldn't believe that what he was feeling. However, every doubt was erased when he turned his head around and allowed his emerald eyes to meet hers.

His jaw loosened and his tongue could no longer loose another word. Hope could only form ghosts of words with his mouth, unable to decide what to say or how to say it. A maelstrom of feelings of anger, happiness and fear stirred in his heart and he couldn't figure out which one he felt more strongly. His confusion and emotional exhaustion made him numb.

Vanille simply shook her head, closed her eyes and let her lips meet his.

**Author's note:  
I am so sorry, guys. Really. It's been more than two years since I wrote chapter one, and I think I owe you a continuation to this. School had really forced me to abandon my fanfic projects and some of my other hobbies, and I really had to focus on my studies. On the plus side though, these past two years have given me useful tools in writing and hopefully I could put them to good use.**

**I'm thankful for those who reviewed chapter one and for those who've encouraged me to continue even after two years of not writing. It was a challenge to really get into the whole HopexVanille groove all over again, because I think you really have to love the characters and the pairing in order to do a romance fic properly. **

**Again, please review and feel free to give ConCrit and thanks for reading this chapter.**


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